Tony Guthrie Shares: When You Lose Trust in Someone

Have you ever lost trust in someone? Perhaps you lost trust in your boss, your spouse, your child, or someone else. I think we have all experienced loss of trust to some degree. When you lose trust in someone it can be a painful experience. Why? Because it is not something we expect. We grant trust to people because they have shown, through various means, that they are trustworthy. That trust is meaningful and precious.

I always tell my children, "I will always trust you until you show me you can't be trusted." I believe that showing them that I trust them before they actually "earn" it will make them want to live up to that trust from their dad. So far, that has proven to be the case.

Here's a few ideas on what to do when you lose trust in someone.

When You Lose Trust in Someone | Take Time to Reflect

What I mean by taking time to reflect is to get away and try to gain perspective. Try not to panic because if you do you will not make wise decisions and you may damage the chances of restoring the relationship (assuming you want to). Think about how important the relationship is and has been. Keep in mind that we ALL make mistakes and poor choices. The person you no longer trust may have not been thinking clearly or was focused in the wrong places for all the wrong reasons.

It is hard to forgive, especially if the pain you feel and experience is intense. But this is exactly what God wants us to strive to do ... as He forgave us. I was intensely hurt by my boss a few years ago. I wanted to lash out and return the pain to him 10-fold. But God reminded me of his loving grace toward me. I reflected and decided to walk away with grace and integrity.

When You Lose Trust in Someone | Take the Initiative

As much as you may want to run away from the situation or cast the person completely out of your life, the relationship just may be worth restoring for many reasons. Take the inititive (even if you come off as angry) and approach the offending party. Give them a fair chance to explain themselves and ask for forgiveness. Honestly listen to them. They may actually bring some perspective that you have not considered. They actually may not have intended to hurt you and cause you to lose their trust. Remember, people aren't perfect. Reflect on some of your bad choices in life. As Jesus said,

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

When You Lose Trust in Someone | Don't Play the Victim

Don't ever allow yourself to be the victim. You are so much better than that. Reach down inside yourself and find the strength to work through it for your own peace of mind or in the attempt at reconciliation. To use a Tennessee word, "wallering" around in self-pity and playing the victim only makes you look weak and needy.

Be strong and determined. This person is only one of many people in your life. Show the person that you have lost trust in that you will survive and endure. Focus on the other people in your life who love you and bless you.

When You Lose Trust in Someone | Walk Away with Grace

As I shared above there may be times when it is best to simply walk away with your head held high and your integrity in check. Lashing out in an attempt to return pain to them is the last thing God wants you to do. Remember that God said, "Vengeance is mine." Let God handle this person His way. You may be surprised at the turnaround He brings.

As I shared, I so wanted to hurt my former boss. I could have quite easily. But the pleasure would have been momentary. I looked inside myself and up above to heaven. The best move was to graciously walk away. Yes, I still feel betrayal and some anger. But each day gets easier and I actually pat myself on the back for being able to simply walk away.

I trust these words have been a blessing,

Tony Guthrie
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