The Test of Fellowshipping Friendship

There is no doubt that God placed the need and desire for fellowship and friendship inside of us. We need other people in our lives. He also told us to love one another. It's interesting that God never said, "Like one another." He didn't require liking because it is simply not possible to like some people. Of course I never understand it when someone doesn't like me. I always think to myself, "What's wrong with them?" :-) But I digress.

Personality types and beliefs systems of other people simply clash with ours on occasion. So, we may not "like" someone. I think it is important to note, however, that not liking someone does not equate to hating them or wishing ill-will upon them. What I mean is that there are some people in the world and in your realm that you'd prefer to spend less time with. There's just something about them that simply rubs you in less-than-positive ways.

But God still says to love others. This includes those you may not like. Loving others shows itself in many ways but one way that stands out is serving the needs of others.

Yes God has placed that desire for friends and fellowship in us. So, after reading "It is only right for me for me to feel this way about you all because I have you in my heart ..." (Phil. 1:7a) I wondered what happens that causes us to have certain people in our hearts. What causes us to desire fellowship with others (for a definition of fellowship, click here). Paul obviously had great love for the Philippians. He even gives us clues as to why he had such a special place in his heart for them ... they had been there with and for him in the trials of serving the Lord.

So, I considered the concept of fellowshipping friendship and it's attributes. I also considered the people that have demonstrated these attributes toward me and I toward them. Here's a few "tests" that came to mind.

Bearing One Another's Burdens

Burden-bearing is a biblical concept that, at least in my opinion, rarely shows itself ... even among Christians, The idea of burden-bearing is simple and direct. It is NOT well-wishing. It is NOT hearing of the struggles of a friend and saying to them, "Wow, I am so sorry. I'll be sure to pray for you."

Burden-bearing involves rolling up the proverbial sleeves and lending a hand that helps. Yes pray, but DO something too. Okay, Okay! I know what you may be thinking, "We can't meet all needs or help in every situation." But does that mean that we should get a pass on every burden? There is always something that can be done.

Isn't the church supposed to be a burden-bearing center? I believe Galatians 6:2 says "Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." The context of the verse has to do with someone who is carrying the extra heavy burden of falling to sin. The church is mandated to walk with them and restore them. There is nothing about consequences, judgment, or punishment ... just restoration. What better way to bear the burden of sin than by forgiving and restoring the one who committed it?

Serve people in and through their burdens, My closest friends are the ones who have shown the trait of burden-bearing. They have lifted me up, carried me, helped me, listened to me, and loved me in meaningful, practical ways. Yes they have prayed. But my true friends have done something tangible to help. I have done the same for them.

Forgiving One Another

People blow it. I blow it. You blow it. All God's children blow it. Ever blown it? Ever needed forgiveness because you did? True friends forgive. They don't punish, hurt, make you pay a price, or cast you out from them. They forgive even as Jesus did. Jesus forgave even when we deserved no forgiveness. Am I making the point?

Encouraging One Another

Paul said in Ephesians 4:29 to "let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Without boring you with all the Greek implications and yada, let me just simplify it for you. Say only good stuff to others. Encourage them. Use words to build them up rather than tear them down. This is the idea of edification.

I know people, as you do, who have mastered the tear down. They say hurtful and senseless things to and about others. They seem to get their kicks by doing so.

But my best friends always edify and encourage me. They know me well. They know my weaknesses and faults but they do not focus on them. When necessary they may point out a flaw. But again, only when necessary. Most of the time they simply build me up and encourage me with words of wisdom, support, and grace. I like to think I have done the same for them.

This is fellowship.

I hope this has been a blessing to you.

Tony Guthrie
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